What Is Your Reason for Living?

Everybody came here to do something. You can call it your Souls fondest wish, your reason for living or that special purpose you feel is calling. Whatever you name it the aim is the same because you sense this impulse, deep down within, that says “Lets do this!“. Problem is life gets in the way. As do excuses:

“Oh, I don’t have time for that”.
“I just need a bit more money saved up”.
“It will be perfect once I have…”

The words can rack up but the actions don’t. The sad truth of the fact is most were never going to do it anyway. They knew they had the skills, passion and drive but they didn’t have the will because, more often than not, life had done a number on their Self confidence. It could be due to neglectful parents who stepped all over their dreams, invalidating experiences, horrific abuse or all manner of things. Whatever you wish to call it, these events left you scarred from within and scared to reach out to that which you know would fulfill. So what do you do? You choose the easiest option which is sitting in the middle with the rest of the plebs as you amuse yourself to death and try and pretend you don’t feel a nagging emptiness within your chest that still says “Lets do this!”.

This is the nature of the Slave/Masters and what they do best. If life has a plan then consider them the monkey wrench. The wild card that bets against. The power of distraction that says “Ah, forget it. We’ll do it tomorrow, nice and fresh”. Again and again and again.

The vast majority of the populace are under this form of suppression that is not only socially sanctioned but expected and very, very few ever question it because the nature of this Game is there are only two seats:

One marked Opponent and the other Victim.

Right away you know exactly where you sit because its quite literally you against the world when you want to make your dreams come true. Even your own people will attempt to dissuade you:

“Why do you want to do that?”. “Don’t be stupid!”. “You’ve already got a good job, why are you talking so foolish?” they say as you confide your plans in them to open a boutique business that you know will be a success because that quiet voice in your chest says “Lets do this!” and you’ve finally heard it and are ready to take the steps required to make it happen. I’m going to let you into a secret:

Most people are already dead by the time they hit Twenty Six. They won’t admit it to themselves as they live an impersonation of an existence which copied just the surface but within there is nothing. The lights are on but there is the passion of a mannequin. If you point this out they’ll deny it with vehemence, which is often the closest they get to feeling as its either raging or nothing. Simply put the act of your spreading your wings and flying reminds them they are the caged bird who sings and the dreams they once felt defined their reason for existence that they pushed deep down into their subconscious when they chose instead to live a life inauthentic on a path well tread by those just as miserable as them.

Like I said, they’d rather die than admit it and very often they’ll clutch to symbols and points of reference outside themselves as markers of their existence and reason for being. Thing is they’re all poor substitutions that are trying to fill the hole in their chest from where their inner child sings “Lets do this!” because they remember full well whilst your Adulterated self is clueless as to the nature of your purpose.

Its why I say that Dual Reality is in full effect because the magicians best trick is convincing them he’s you when in reality you aren’t the voice in your head, the flesh which a mirror reflects or even the thoughts in your head. You are the Witness. The one that sees all this and makes it all happen as the Game plays out inside your awareness. Realizing this is an immense strength. A huge asset because then you quickly realize that the demoralizing parent or hating friend that tries to make it sound like they’re looking out for your best interests by ensuring you’re as miserable and unfulfilled as them is actually the living embodiment of your resistance given form and reflected back to your consciousness to help you deal with it. Let me give you an example:

A girl wanted more than anything else in the world to design clothes for the club. She was really, really good at it as she grew up raving and thus knew first hand what worked and what didn’t. Thing is she had a decent job now and made a good living but within she felt a total sense of emptiness. “I just don’t know what to do. I’m at my wits end” she said. “Why don’t you start it off on the side when not working? Put your money into it and see if its got legs?” I offered. “No, no. I can’t do that, thats half hearted. I need to put my all into this. Did I tell you what she said?” she confided, referring to her parent who was the bane of her existence and whose presence felt like an albatross around her neck. “She said that my problem is that I don’t know how good I’ve got it and when to stop pushing. Like this job is the best I can get, all I’m capable of. It makes me sick to think this and its even harder to admit but, like you said, you only gain enlightenment by stepping into the darkness and this is what sits in the shadows of my Soul”.

She was rocking back and forth as tremors ran through her form because even shaping her mouth to say the words hurt more than she’d admit because her feelings towards the one who gave her life were so incredibly mixed. On the one had she had sacrificed so much from the little she had as a kid in order to let her attend the dance classes she wanted but then on the other she demanded total subservience and was primarily interested in her return on invest, regardless of her childs feelings, talents or skills.

This girl was never meant to work in an office. She did it well because her personality gelled with everyone in her surroundings as she felt like a breeze wafting but her heart was never in it and it was never meant to be a full time thing.

Her bedroom was packed to the gills with fashion stills, designs she’d made and various bits and bobs from a project that went from full tilt to ignored then back on again whilst she was busy handling the business of living. Thats when we met.

I need a miracle. I hear thats what you make happen. Will you help me with this?” she said with eyes rimmed red and a Soul which felt like it had been ran through the mill via her thorough Self examining which bought up pages and pages of journaling in angry red ink that aimed at the source of her problems with both barrels in a way so intense that the rage left her shaking.

She’d became aware of why she liked popping pills, drinking to excess and lived for the weekend from the time she was a teen up to her late twenties and now, two years from the big Three O, she was feeling the walls closing in because it was time to either ish or get off the pot and accept the cards fate had dealt and play them best she can.

“I don’t make anything happen. I simply suggest. Its up to you to take action and examine that resistance. I want you to look at it like this. Imagine your mother is actually the personification all of the limiting beliefs and self loathing you have tucked within your subconscious. She speaks the words that kept your Inner Sense locked up in the dungeon you call your chest. Its why drugs and casual sex gave you that feeling of release and freedom because you rebelled against her without her knowing because you spent your days earning wages, cashing cheques and ticking all the boxes she’d marked out for your existence. A very transactional relationship but nothing unusual because a lot of these contracts are tacit and people get upset when they think we aren’t holding up our end”.

She nodded, taking it all in. “I can see that, it makes sense but how do I deal with it?”. “OK, lets try this” I said taking another chair and placing it opposite. “I want you to imagine your Opponent is sitting in that seat, hell bent on making you her Victim. Go on, speak your idea, your dream, your wish, your concept. Your desire for a clothing business that uses your talents. Say it like you mean it, like I’m not here and its her conversation”.

She did and then, as instructed she switched seats and replied as she expected from her parent. It was interesting watching her body language shift as her shoulders hunched in and her usually full lips became cruel and thin as she sat there, smirking, and said “Thats great, yeah, then we’ll be homeless and penniless. What an idiot I raised. Whatever did I do to deserve this? You’ve got a good job, things are going well. All you need now is a husband and we’re set. Why can’t you see this? Why must you always be such a nuisance?”.

Switching seats I watched her shrink from a confident young woman back to a scared kid that was being chastised for some minor infringement as her voice became quite thin and started stammering. “But, but, but Mum, you don’t get it. Look I’m really good at this. Everyone says I’ve got talent and I should do something with it“.

“Really? Really? You haven’t figured it out yet? They’ll say anything because they think you’re stupid and secretly they want to see you fail so they can laugh when we’re down and out again. I did the best I could to get you where you are and now you want to mess it all up and follow this stupid dream? Oh, I wish I was dead because you’re killing me when you say things like this”.

“I, I, I don’t mean to, Mum. Promise, its just that, just that, I’m not happy where I’m working…”

Thats why its called a job, you silly bish. You think I was happy working back to back shifts and taking all the overtime I could get just to pay for your stupid dancing lessons? And this is how you repay my kindness…”

“OK, lets stop for a minute. Take a breath and a stretch. Walk back to your seat and we’ll try something different” I said. Time passed, a few tears did drip as well as a couple of yelps of anguish and frustration as she railed against the unfairness of the war that raged within and she’d been fighting since back when even though it felt like an uphill struggle that she’d been losing for as long as she could recollect.

“I want you to sit there and ask her about the dreams she had as a kid”.

“What?” the girl replied, startled by the question. “I don’t know the answers to that. I wouldn’t have a clue where to begin and what about….” she said as I raised my hand and requested “Just ask the question with pure intent and do what you just did. Change seats and answer”. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths then suddenly opened them and leaned forward with an intense look and said “Mum, when you were a little girl what did you want to be more than anything?”.

Getting up to make the switch I noticed a difference as her twisted features started softening and her voice became more gentle. “I wanted to be a model. Live the high life, jet set. That kind of thing. This was way before the internet but I really believed I could’ve done it. After all I knew I was something special, even back then”.

“What stopped you?”

Your grandfather. He said models are whores by another name and wouldn’t hear none of it because he was so religious. That didn’t stop me pretending though, I used to put on my best and imagine I was modeling in my bedroom and when we went out proselytizing for the parish I’d always wish someone would spot me and convince him that it was a life worth living. Nobody ever did. Then I got pregnant and after that it was all down hill as your father left me for another woman and, not long after, your grandparents were both dead so you were all I had left.”

“I see, Mum. In a way I never did. Do you think life would be different if he’d encouraged your dreams as a kid instead of shutting them down every chance he had?”

“Are you kidding? By the time I came of age the supermodel era was in full effect. This was way before the net but even then I felt that pang of regret because I knew I could’ve done it, way better than any of them. I’ve always felt like I was put here to do this. That was my calling but…”


“But I didn’t have the strength to go against them as they held my heart in their fist and without their blessing I didn’t even dare take a step”.

“Then why won’t you let me?”

“Because… Because now I kind of get it. A young girl with stupid dreams in her head vs how the world really is when seen through the lens of experience. They just wanted the best for me and did all they can. I’m not mad at them but…”

“Are you sad?”.

“What? Erm, just a little bit. I still do believe I could’ve become one of the major faces on the circuit because I’ve always had a flair for it”.

“And thats why you encouraged me to dance? Even though we couldn’t afford it?”

“Yes, I thought with you I had a chance to live again. Another spin. Do it right this time but you just wanted to go out, dancing. You weren’t interested in making a living of it but bills are in effect. I needed you to realize this which is why I got you that job in the office. Look how well you worked your way up. Can’t you see why I’m stressed that you want to quit? Without that we’ve got no money coming in and all that goodwill you’ve built at the firm will be flushed down the toilet”.

“Well, is there anything we can do which makes us all happy in the end?”

“Look, I only want whats best for you. Even if you don’t see this. This clothing dream sounds good but it doesn’t seem realistic. Why would they buy what you’re selling and not whats in the shops? It doesn’t make any sense and if its so good why do you need my permission to do it?”

“Thats really it isn’t it” she said as she sat there thinking, out loud to herself. “I need your permission because my say so isn’t enough because you’ve always vetoed it. How did I not see this? It makes so much sense”. She started grinning as she leapt up from her chair and began pacing. “Yes, yes, yes. It makes perfect sense. I get it. She is to me resistance against my wish when in reality its just a test to see if I really want it. Well, I do. I do and I’m confident I can make it happen”.

We sketched up a plan based on strict time management after checking the potential market, avenues for expansion and distribution along with cost/benefit analysis and how to start this off as a parallel business in tandem with her current occupation as well a few other sessions dealing with her various resistance Patterns within and other methods of self sabotage which gave her the “All or nothing” talk in her head as a method of distraction and preventing any real traction in making her dreams happen.

The most interesting side effect of this conversation made flesh was when she came home after a sesh and her mother said “Listen, I’ve been thinking. Why don’t you make a dress, give me a list of where they’ll sell so I can handle the business and we’ll see what happens?”.

The moral of the story is this:

There is no outer in this realm. Its all within. You are the source of all of your problems as well as the solution. Your world and your circumstances reflect this. Change what controls you and you will feel a shift.

The above method is ridiculously simple, very effective and won’t cost you a red cent so give it a spin and see what happens because one of the greatest problems in life is we inherit the pain and suffering of our lineage and mistake their energies for our own and carrying them becomes a burden. There are other tools and methods used to assist in the clearance of this presence because you can only create something once you make the space within and this often involves examining the beliefs and attitudes we’ve bee carrying as most are often birthed from good, if misplaced, intent that wants to keep risk and harm to a minimum but dreams don’t manifest like this because you need to take a leap of faith and then keep falling until you realize you’re actually flying.

Spread your wings.

This is what makes life worth living. The other option is just an existence. “Don’t die with your music within” is a viewpoint often shared by those who either have given then Inner Sense full reign and are glad they did or didn’t and kept it caged in the Mind Made Prison and bitterly regret the life they didn’t have the heart to live as they listened to everyones opinion and options beside the little voice within which said “Lets do this!”.

The reason why its so important, so urgent and vital you listen is if you don’t you won’t pass Go, collect Two Hundred Pounds or even find the exit when you meet death because your Soul will say “I want another spin. I didn’t do what we intended to” and then you’ll incarnate again. And again And again. And each time the resistance will keep on piling to make it more and more difficult as this is how coals become diamonds so if you’ve got the opportunity now, seize it. Roll the dice, spin the wheel, place your bet on your Self and see what happens because next time you hear that “Lets do this!” I want you to respond “OK, we will!” and make it happen.

Till we meet again

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