Does Life Make Any Sense to You?

Does life make any sense to you? Take it any way you wish, as long as you truly think about it. Once you have bump up the resolution a bit from your own personal zone of discomfort that feels like a rut lined with velvet and look at the world as it is. Once again, take it to another level and look at the history of the species and then where we’re headed as a collective. Does life make any sense to you?

Granted, the average person nine to fiving doesn’t have the time nor inclination to think at this depth and most couldn’t care less. They like their nice, simple, predictable little existence as they sit and dig the Reality Tunnel they were prescribed, back when. Some of us prefer to walk on the wild side. The Path that isn’t paved and you create by walking and the only sign post says “Know thy Self”.

“That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard and yet…” she looked from right to left like someone taking life in with Twenty/Twenty vision after having spent all of it until that moment with myopia inducing lenses stealthy inserted into her developing eyes, back when “It makes perfect sense”. She got up and started pacing, making random exclamations here and there, as her illusions shattered, one by one.

“Why me?” she beseeched. “What did I ever do to you? I didn’t ask for any of this. For a stranger to come up and say “I’ll let you buy me a drink and in exchange I’m going to tell you something you’ve spent your whole life waiting to hear“. I mean, gosh darn, if that isn’t the greatest line I’ve ever heard then I don’t know what is but it truly pales in comparison to this head trip you’ve just sent the person I thought I was on and left who knows what instead at the helm to pick up the pieces. What the hell, man? Couldn’t you have picked someone else?”.

“Sit down. Have a drink, kick off your shoes and breathe into your heels for a moment. Don’t ask how to do this, just remember it” he said smoothly and she complied, without resistance. “You will remember this moment for the rest of your lives” he added as she felt a glimmer within the kaleidoscope of her consciousness that was moonwalking as it did backflips. Raising a finger, he continues:

“Imagine I could press rewind and instead of me strolling in and saying this the rest of your night goes just as you expected. You walked in to this place after work, for a drink. The look on your dish says “Not interested” to anyone listening and, as you sip, you feel that warm glow of numbness that actually allows you to sense something you rarely allow yourself to admit is missing. You’ve been going through the motions with no emotion. You know there is something very wrong with all of this. You’ve felt it for as long as you can recollect. You were, however, smart enough to keep your head down and blend in. Your friends and family often warned you about your weirdness, your finicky preferences and constant quest for perfection like a squirrel chasing a nut without the faintest conception of what it is. Even if you’d found it you’d have tossed it and then headed off into the distance thinking “Nah, that ain’t it”.

That is life as you know it. Thats all you’ve really lost by listening. Its OK, you can admit it. You never really wanted it anyway. It was a mask you wore to fit in. Why? Because everybody else did. It was the done thing. Expected. Privately, however, you always felt there was something very, very wrong with this world. Something that didn’t make any sense because how could something that seems so beautiful be filled with such wickedness that runs around, unchecked? You marveled at the power of whats between your legs and how the promise of sex could get pretty much any man to do what you wish but you rejected that path as too simple, too obvious and chose to hone your intellect instead, which you did. Using that you carved a lane that gave you the freedom you craved and, right now, at the ripe old age of twenty eight you could say you’ve got it made. You’ve overachieved in a way that the child you could never have imagined and even though it took a lot of effort it never made you sweat or feel like it was a problem. Like water to a fish you just dived in.

Thing is, on the flip, your personal life is next to non existent. “Plenty of peenies, but not much else”, yes? Thats what you said, isn’t it?”.

She started mouthing ‘How the hell…” as he interrupted her train of thought again and said:

“Thats all you really lost by listening and the most amazing thing is since I bought that back into focus you may have just noticed the stress you felt before sitting and breathing is far more revealing than the confusion you felt after the initial revelation. How does it feel to almost Know thy Self?”.

“Are you like, a crazy person? Is that it? Some kind of Svengali versed in the art of presentation and elusive conversation that intrigues women? All for what? To cop a feel then get em into bed? If it is I’ve got to say its a hell of lot of effort that screams over compensation. Like, couldn’t you just have walked up and said “Hi” like a regular person instead of mind F’ing me with a sentence that had my head screaming “No!” as my chest said “Yes””.

“What about between your legs? Actually, Ms Squirrel, I have something else I hadn’t mentioned. If A is B’s then whose is C?”.

“D’s?”.

“Deez these nuts” he said as she started laughing. “I’m surprised you don’t recognize me yet. You must still be stuck on stupid. Remember that life, the one you sort of half lived whilst waiting for someone or something to pop in and change everything? Well, now is that moment. The question is, can you handle the energetics? We both know you were secretly miserable. You had everything this world could give, plenty of men (and women) wanted to get next to you but, privately, you felt above them. Like they were not your equals. It had nothing to do with money, looks and status – even though you have all three – as you were seeking a spark, a resonance, a feel. You didn’t know what it was but were sure you’d spot it when you meet but the question, ma cherie, is what if you overestimated your abilities to comprehend the unexpected? After all, the very nature of a Game changing premise is usually unimaginable, yes? If it weren’t I’m sure someone as capable would’ve found a way to make it manifest without spending their life feeling like they’ve been running on a treadmill that offers more and more trinkets but nothing of the true depth which you’re seeking which is akin to planning a trip to a destination that doesn’t exist on any maps they’re selling. Obviously whatever happens its going to be a little mind bending and the fact of the matter that you’re sitting there, breathing, and still listening as the Psylense in your chest nods its head and says “He’s right, you know” proves that even if you could flip the page back and have the night go as you intended – keeping the world at a distance – you’d still choose to have this conversation with a man you just met ergo its all unfolding as intended. The question is, can you handle it”.

Before she could answer he continues:

“Going back to what I said we’re inside a huge Game that we’re playing using our Souls as credits and its designed to seem impressive because thats how it was made and our imaginations are that powerful at make believe and pretending that the blatantly ludicrous premise that a rock floats around in the abyss as it chases a fireball through a vacuum and we, little carbon based forms of sentience, wander around on its surface paying bills, having sex and steadily amusing ourselves to death because most are perfectly content to accept the script that was poured into their heads, back when, that they use to navigate this realm within a tiny set of limits that are entirely optional and can be dropped, in an instant. Should they wish”.

“The Reality Tunnel” she said.

“The Reality Tunnel. Its like a Game within a Game that places a wave within you brain and most get so caught up in that they think the map is the land itself. Tell me that doesn’t sound stupid? Like going to a restaurant and eating the menu instead of the food it promises because you can’t tell the difference? Worse still is you knew exactly what I meant because you felt the difference but still went along with the rest because the amount of loneliness you already had at feeling mostly miscomprehended couldn’t risk total isolation because you were holding onto your illusions by the thinnest strings. You were already more than half way done with that Reality Tunnel. I just came and clipped the last tie around your wings. Thats what you’ve been waiting to spread your whole life. Thats what you’ve felt like you were missing. Thats what caused the immense sense of anxiety and apprehension within as you became aware of another facet of Self that you’d been chasing. Chasing everywhere but within. How else can you imagine you relinquished all that you were only half invested in at best with a quickness after a few minutes of conversation with a guy you just met who came over with the most intriguing opening that got you interested. Look around” he gestures at the environment.

“If I had walked up to any one of these women here, sitting, how many of them do you think would comprehend or even allow themselves to think about the meaning of our conversation. I mean, I could try it, as an experiment, but be both know what will happen, yes? Either they’ll be perplexed but still interested or with it and even more interested”.

She snorts “You’re quite full of yourself, Mr Svengali” as she felt her old (false) self start recrystalizing as a part of her felt a threat by what she was hearing as jealously and fear reared its head along with curiosity and interest.

“Stop digging that old Reality Tunnel again. I can feel it. Live, die, repeat. You really don’t recollect a thing, do you? At least, not yet. Not on the conscious level” he said. “This isn’t the first life we’ve met but I’m certain it will my last spin in the flesh hence why I flew half way across the planet to make this happen as I knew you’d be waiting. The question, of which I’m still not certain, is your potential to handle the wavelength because, unlike you, I enjoy being alone. The company is fantastic” he smiled as he said it and she could tell he meant it.

“I need a drink” came from her lips as she motioned to the waitress and ordered a reup. “I can’t deny it. It all makes perfect sense. What the F, man? Couldn’t you be more subtle instead of wading in with guns blazing? How did you know I could handle it? What if I’d shook my head, said “Not interested” and told you to keep stepping?”.

“Wouldn’t that be something? How do you picture that quiet life of desperation playing out with such unactualized potential beating in your chest as it tries to get the message to your head via body language that the voice – which, by the way you may have noticed stop talking not long after we met – intercepts and says is something else? If I could flick the switch and shift you onto that timeline instead of this gift in the present you’re busy unwrapping, do you really think you’d pick it? Don’t be stupid. The very idea is ridiculous”.

He had a point and yet the feeling of having the world ripped from her eyelids as new streams of information poured in was not what she expected. “Then again” she thought, to her Self “If it was then it wouldn’t really be any different, now would it?”. Out loud she added “OK, I’m in. So, we’re inside a Game that we’re playing using our Souls as credits. Nobody knows they’re in the Game but, every now and then, some people figure it out. Most of them get killed, nailed to a crucifix or sectioned because in between each spin they do a handy, dandy spot of mindwiping in which the old life is peeled away, like a page from a diary, but the impressions of the ink are still left upon the freshly revealed surface of the Soul that steps in wearing new flesh to do it all again. And you, you know this because you figured it and we knew each other on another spin and you came to get me as you heart to the exit? That is, by far, the craziest thing I’ve ever heard and yet it all makes perfect sense”. The waitress came over with the drinks as the man said:

“Excuse me, Sophie. Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that, just for a moment, when you rose in bed your real life seemed fake until you eased back into it?“. She nodded her head as her eyes widened. “Oh my gosh! Yes. So much. I lxve sleeping, its the best part of life, I think, and sometimes I have these visions of styles and lives ancient as I’m wondering “Did that really happen or am I just dreaming?””. “Tell me, Sophie, do you think the other person you may or may not have been ever sees random scenes from this life you’re in as you walk around your mod con filled kitchen Facetiming your girlfriend? If they did, how would they make sense of the symbols and images because you can look back at the past and comprehend. Better yet, why haven’t you dreamt of future incarnations? Or maybe you did but faced the same problem of having no frame of reference via which to decode your imperience?”.

She opened her mouth, closed it again and then did a little impression of a goldfish. He continued talking:

“What if I said we’re inside a huge Game that we’re playing using our Souls as credits and its all taking place inside your imagination and thus I’m a figment of it which means I’m actually just another part of you thats telling you something you’re not ready or willing to be able to hear from your Self? What then?”.

“You mean, like The Matrix, or something?“.

“Yes, just like that. Thank you, you’ve been very helpful. Make sure you charge yourself a nice tip. Don’t worry, she can afford it” he said as he gestured for her to exit stage left. The girl in question had been taking in the scene with keen interest.

“OK, so its not a script. But it is. What you said at the start was totally different but still had that air of familiarness and borderline arrogance that says “I know you better than you know yourself” before easing into the Game of Souls thing. Why did you tell her to leave when it was just getting interesting? I wanted to hear about those dreams because when I close my eyes at night I don’t see a thing so find that fascinating”.

“What did you think about what I said about me simply being a part of her imagination? What if that was an accurate statement and the things that came from my lips simply happened by mirroring her energetics back to her awareness which is why the message seems so oddly specific as it comes from a depth beneath the head, Adulterated?”.

“Yeah, I did notice that because it certainly seemed whatever you said to her was as oddly specific as it was to me in my example. What was the point you were trying to prove? I don’t get it?”. He grinned:

“That not everyone is capable of stepping outside of the Reality Tunnel they’ve been digging since the System dropped all the programs in their head that made them trade thinking for Thunking as they move the same chunks of information around inside their heads as part of their safe, predictable resonance that learned to accept limits and labels in lieu of freedom and direct imperience. You don’t dream at night because you use those energetics during the day instead as you’re constantly attempting to peer around the corner of the maze life placed you in (by using your imagination) which is why when I mentioned the Game of Souls concept – which, in both her and your examples – explained the action which strings the pearls of your inner realm into a coherent narrative. For her the past lives seen at night were hints that this may not be what she suspects and for you it was it was the feeling that something vital is wrong and an essential part you once knew well is missing from the equation in this incarnation”.

“Yes, exactly. Why did you just check out of the conversation with her then and send her on her way. You know she’s been looking over non stop since then?”.

“If you want someone to like you, open your heart. If you want them obsessed, then close it. Thats not the point though, is it? Did you notice that even as she’d threaded the pearls onto a coherent string called narrative that not only made sense but had her interest the moment the explanation went to another level beyond her comprehension she didn’t rise to occasion but sank back to the programs the media had pumped in to her via formative experience and social hypnosis via entertainment hence “The Matrix” was the solution which precludes further consideration because, in her head, one plus one equals two whereas you came up with eleven. Thats the difference. In that respect she ended the talk by closing off the messages from her chest to listen to whats within her head instead whereas you, who were hanging on by only a string, were more than willing to relinquish its presence as you’d spent a life searching for something without ever finding because you didn’t have clue where your quest would start or end. All you knew was that something had to give and, in that respect, this is the feature presentation for which you’ve been waiting”.

“Interesting. So you’re a figment of my imagination. Ha! Thats crazy, but I like it. What about her” she said, gesturing at the waitress. “Is she just another part of me as well?”.

“Lets test it. Call her back and just start talking from your chest and lets see what happens”.

“Sophie, if we could switch lives, at this very instant, what would you pick? You as the waitress or me sitting here talking to this gent, ordering a drink, after a busy day at the office?”.

“Your life, easily. I can tell you’re a success plus you’re really attractive. I mean, thats a non brainer, isn’t it? Your life sounds like a dream”.

“What if I told you that by living it those night time visions in your head cease? The end. Every time you retire to your bed you close your eyes, fall into the darkness and rise the next AM without having seen, heard or felt a thing. What then?”.

“Oh my gosh. That would be horrible. Like I said, sleeping is the best part for me as I can’t wait to dream and then the next day it keeps me thinking about what I’ve seen and its true meaning. My girlfriend thinks its cute but just says I’ve got an overactive imagination because I’m a bit childish but I don’t know. Like, what if those really are other versions of me, like your friend said? No, I don’t think I could give that up if that was the deal”.

“Thank you for being honest. I want you to add on a five hundred dollar tip, treat you and your girl to a few drinks and a meal. Make some fresh memories and dream some dreams for me as well because not all of us are capable”.

The waitress smiled and went on her way with a spring in her step.

“She is my innocence. We really are pieces of each others imaginations. I’m the part of her that wanted to grow up, put the work in and strike it rich but she’s simply too comfortable in her one room apartment chasing these visions in her head with a steady object of affect as she’s stuck in a dead end job that offers endless conversations and random meetings with people that she finds way more pleasure in than financial accomplishment and actualization of her true potential. Thats her Reality Tunnel”. she said, lightly sighing. “The sword is double edged”.

“Do you envy her it?”.

In a way, she did but was comforted as well. “I’m actually glad for her. She is another me, isn’t she? At least she’s happy with her dreams and safe little reality in which things unfold as expected and she never stops long enough to draw the links between all of the separate bits. I get why you told her to leave now”. She’d noticed that beyond a cursory glance or two in their direction the waitress was now back to business and the whole interaction had been filed into her head as another day at the office. It was highly unlikely, no matter what she thought or dreamt again, that she’d ever stop and ponder the significance of what was said in this meeting. She simply wasn’t seeking and thus quite content to run along the same old treadmill in her head that thought it had all the big questions answered and the rest was there purely for entertainment. No such luck for her as she was constantly thinking, weighing up the options and trying to stay one step ahead of the rest whilst never clicking why she never truly felt like she fit in or what caused the difference that preferred distance to connection to societies basic resonance that the waitress delighted in.

“Wait a minute” she said “Does that mean if I shake the habit of daydreaming and wondering whats beneath the surface of every little thing then I too may be able to close my eyes and night and see visions as well? Thats what you said, isn’t it? After all, if she’s me and she can dream but is too rigid in her thinking to be intuitive and draw the links whereas I’m doing the flip and generating huge profits by making what others can’t imagine happen then surely if I change the variables I command then the outcome would shift, wouldn’t it?”.

“It might. If you’re inside a Game that you’re playing by using your Soul as a credit and this entire conversation is with a figment of your imagination” he said, as he gestured the waitress bring more drinks.

“Sophie, what if I were to say…”.

Till we meet again