“In sleep the pain of being me fades away” she said. She’d wrote out a note addressed to her only friend that explained her reason for choosing death because the price of living had left her in debt and thus she saw suicide as the only option. Standing high, high above the city she perched on the edge of the building to reflect about her last few moments on the planet as she’d had enough of fighting. The voice in her head had won. All of her life it had told her she was useless, ugly, a detestable thing and she, she had listened. She’d heard it so well that she never questioned it, who it was, its intent or true meaning because she’d fell for the trick it played on her consciousness.
The rooftop felt cold beneath her feet as she’d removed her shoes and placed the note she’d wrote underneath. Sure she could’ve sent a text but this just seemed more personal and as a desperate sigh escaped her lips and she felt herself shuddering in Spring as she thought about all the events that had led up to this. With a wry grin she said “So, this is how it all ends? With me splattered across the pavement” as she stepped over the railing and prepared to make her descent.
At just that moment the wind whipped in furiously and almost took her with it as she, out of instinctual Self preservation, tightened her grip then watched with dismay as her suicide note fluttered off, into the distance. “Great, you can’t even kill yourself without making a mess” said the insistent drone in her head that had spoke poisoned somethings after its initial introduction with sweet nothings for as long as she could recollect. She pulled herself back in from the ledge because this simply wouldn’t do. She couldn’t leave her best friend without a clue or cue of why she did this and with that she wearily slipped on her shoes and walked back down through the building.
The voice in her head was raging at being so close to winning as it had controlled her every whim and impulse for as long as she could recollect. “Funny, isn’t it?” she said as we sat on a park bench as the brown hues of autumn crept in “Its so obvious what you’ve said. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it. How many people have lived and died from a position of ignorance or done something so stupid as I attempted?”. “It really is quite surreal and wicked as this is what has so much of the world in its grip” I responded as we drank our beverages. Another sigh escaped her lips, she hasn’t yet developed the presence to notice when this happens but to me its quite obvious that there are still layers upon layers of grief within as she’s barely scratching the surface.
“I remember walking along the street and being beaten from within in a way that was beyond ferocious. It was like “Here’s all the things you’ve done wrong or failed since back when and then on top of this you can’t even kill yourself! You foolish idiot. You disgust me” and, of course, right on cue, I felt disgusted. How obvious! It speaks, I do. I can’t believe I didn’t realize I’m that which listens, the Witness like you said, and not that who is speaking. Do you remember when we met?”.
“I do, but I’ll let you tell it”.
“What on Earth possessed you to say what you said? It was highly inappropriate and yet… Just what I needed. At first I thought “What the hell is this pervert saying?” but then it became obvious there was something else beyond asking me if I’d ever allowed myself to melt because I realized my tension and intention behind your message. That was the best hug I’d ever felt and it really was just what I needed as I sensed something that had long been broken within get its first inkling of what would become healing. I am grateful”.
“No need to be. You are another me as I’ve said previously. I’m simply here to help you realize the nature of Self as we are the same thing except I’m not caught up in the mix“.
“Or being scraped off the pavement as the consequence of a lifetime of investment in the wrong choices” she added with eyes that beamed a curious mix of pain and hopefulness. “Gosh, whatever was I thinking? You know as try as hard as I want to I simply cannot get back in that frame of reference, that mode of being. Its like the spell I was under was broken and now its like waking up into a dream from the nightmare I’d been living.
“In sleep the pain of being me fades away” she said as we lay on her bed a few months previous, not long after we met. “Its like a sweet release from lifes bitter misery. Its so hard walking around this world pretending its all OK to everyone I meet. What is it you said? Oh yes, manufacturing proof as they lie to themselves. Its so true, so true. Why? What made you speak to me? Couldn’t you have just left me alone? What happened if we’d never met? Would I have finally found the death I’ve been craving? I’ve really been thinking about your DV Perspect and it makes so much sense because why else would this unfold as it did? How many times have we done this? Is this why I feel such an intense comfort with someone I’ve just met when I never, ever let anyone get in, close or, worse still, share how I truly feel. Who are you, man? What is your deal?”.
“Me? I’m a broken man with shattered dreams who is trying to heal. Not just myself but the world as well because its what it needs but people live in fear of their reality as it stands being revealed as they’re invested in the mess that voice in their head and a lifetime of training tells them what it is. Its wild, isn’t it? 8 billion Souls trapped in the flesh and being held hostage by a fake version of them that steals the life they could live“.
“Its crazy. They’re crazy. You’re crazy especially for even coming up with this. I mean how the hell does someone even think like this?” she said, turning and propping herself up on her elbow as she fixed me with a look that was intense. “I mean what the hell are you doing here? Here in my bed, my life, my planet. It doesn’t make any sense”.
“Thats good. Confusion is a sign that things are changing just like fear is…“.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. “Fear is a street sign on the way to your power so feel it and keep moving“. You’ve already hammered this one into my head” she said with a grin as she threw herself back on the bed and started kicking her heels as she flailed her fists into the quilt to calm her nervous system. We spent a while exploring this as I guided her through the psyhcosphere and its then she spontaneously recollected the day she first met her (false) self aka the voice in her head.
“I’ll always keep you safe” she said. “Those were the words that weaved the spell. I’d noticed this presence before but it was quick things “Watch out” or “Be careful” when I was at school, out and about or walking. At first I didn’t notice it. There were also nicer things its said like “You’re smart. You’re special” and other bits of encouragement when I was around six but the statement about keeping me safe, that came a few years later and after that I was fully invested. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Nobody talks about that voice in their head that directs everything and yet its a common symptom of modern living. Thats so crazy, isn’t it?“.
“Everyone hears the same voice in their head as they’re running the same program of socially sanctioned madness. Doesn’t matter about your religion, culture, reason for living as this sickness has grabbed the planet and is the true epidemic that ravages all whom it gets from within”.
“How on Earth did you spot this? Its a very, very clever trick. Nigh on invisible because its like an optical illusion that pulls you in once you look at it and thus forget whatever it was that was there before. Its like…. hypnosis. Yes, like being in a trance“.
“Trance is actually one of the most natural things in the world. Actually, you’ve reminded me that back when I was going through the Concentration Camp of the System I used to either be totally wild and distract everyone as the center of attention or I’d be entirely silent as I was set adrift on a dreamy bliss”.
“Oh, I know that feeling. I miss it, in a sense. So natural to children”.
“Well, thats trance. Thats how natural it is and healing as well. The closest modern people get to it is staring at the TV set but that is quite dangerous as it opens up channels of programming within via the use of the medium and the messages hidden”.
“Channels? Programs? Gosh, its all so obvious once you break the spell and see it. Nothing is truly hidden. Its all placed right there in front of your dish”.
“Why do you think its called a television? Telling lies to your vision”
“Oh. My. Gosh” she said as sat up and made mind blown gestures which I followed up with “The exact same reason Siri is iris backwards because soon that iPhone will be fitted directly in your head as the human collective takes another bite from the apple which augments their awareness as silicon and carbon mix to bring… What shall we call these no longer human beings?”.
“Androids” she said “Its all so, so obvious. Robots that seem human“.
“Just another layer of the trick except this is taking the same process of the (false) self you previously identified with and making the changes external and permanent as they jack into your awareness via the lowest level”.
“You know I get what you said that day we met that life is actually hell and we’re already dead. That really got my attention because its something I’ve felt so much but never dared express because my family are so religious. I mean, it never made sense that they’re constantly begging and scraping from one mishap to the next and yet believe in a force benevolent (yet invisible) that never seems to do a thing for them”. She started blushing as her lower lip was trembling. “I can’t believe I said that. I didn’t mean to be blasphemous but its something I’d always secretly wondered because it didn’t make sense why there is nothing but pain and suffering in this world. Those words cracked my chest. I knew then I’d have to listen”.
“Well, thats the beauty of energetics. I don’t have a clue about the words that will flow from my lips because I’m speaking to a higher aspect of your Self. Some people are so disconnected and frozen due to being invested in a disempowering script that they simply cannot comprehend what I’m saying beyond the surface in the moment. I’ve had people get it much later and then say they spent ages trying to find out who I was, if anyone knew where we could link or just simply turning up in the same place we met, at the same time, again and again hoping to run in. You were just fractured enough to let the light pour in at that moment”.
“You really are a nutter. You know that, yes?”.
“Its no measure of health to be well adjusted to a society wracked by sickness. By their definition anyone who isn’t with the program must be mad, bad or wicked. I’m used to that kind of projection from those in the Valley of the Plebs whereas the miscreant misfits that never fully believed the script often find a level of resonance because its all about Knowledge of Self, get it?”.
“Yeah, yeah. I do. Its super interesting. You should tell everyone about this. Use me as an example. Who knows how many people it could help?”.
“What if we’d met and I said exactly the same thing a month previous? Do you think it would’ve had the same effect? Would you have listened? What if that day you’d been stomping around with phones attached to head wearing an expression that said “I don’t want to be bothered”. What then?”.
“Well, I do think that look is my standard. Or was” she added with a grin. “Its so strange what you said about tears that aren’t expressed limit the smiles we cannot reveal. Everything about you is, really. Strange. Are you an alien? I’m genuinely asking” she queried as she leant in with eyes that were searching mine for answers. I laughed from the depths because it is often something I’ve pondered and the only true answer is “I’m in the world but not of it. Thats the gift Knowledge of Self brings and the way I see it is if one candle is lit inside the darkness then it shines as an example to the rest of the potential for illumination. Problem is they’re sucked in by the tell lie vision and its electric glow of comfort and thus their Souls are stuck in a lower Earth orbit and entirely miserable due to the limited frame of reference furnished upon their consciousness by the Opponent”.
“The Opponent. Yes, yes. That one really clicked. I saluted that idea the moment I heard it because its so perfect. The Opponent and the Victim. If you don’t know then you’re it. Its so obvious. So simple… Breathtaking” she said and then started yawning. Reaching across I flicked the switch as we lay in darkness with her head on my chest as she said “In sleep the pain of being me fades away but with you it feels like I’m awakened“.
Back to the present and there are two reasons I shared this text. One is that someone may need to hear it and choose a better option and the second is that I, personally, detest suicide due to its spiritual implications and the bomb it sets for those that are left as it messes up generations due to its imprint on them. There was another tale and, possibly, another tragic event aborted by a similar sense of presence, back when, as its amazing how the right words and energetics can derail the Opponent from the helm and place the Witness back instead and that, my friend, is a beautiful thing. I share this as the attempts on my life have recently become more devious and intense than they’ve ever been so if they find me shrink wrapped inside a sport bag with two in the back of my head as they say “He did it, open and shut case, Johnson. Lets sprinkle some crack on him and get away” then know that I was murdered as I have simply fought against too much for too long to give in now as that card is not, will not and cannot be in the hand I was dealt as I refuse to play it so let this stand as testament because its became Self evident that a lot of well feathered nests are ruffled by my presence in this realm due to their pledge to the one eyed king who keeps them rich and ensures they remain hidden behind the curtain of his protection as they do the most wicked things.
But, thats another topic. Haven’t you ever wondered who keeps sending prophets to this realm and with what intent if all is present and correct? What if we’re already dead and this is Hell? What then?
Till we meet again
