Confidence Is Everything

Imagine you are born with the horn of plenty overflowing, filled to the brim. Now lets call this magical elixir confidence itself. Someone, it can be a parent, comes along with a cup and starts syphoning some off. “No!” they said with the opposite of a grin as you were discovering your place in this realm. This creates confusion. Internal tension. You want to expand and they contract against this. Suddenly one is pulled in two directions and that coherence they once knew is opposed by an equally strong reaction.

Lets look at the horn. Notice its level has dipped. What it once was it currently isn’t. This is your confidence and there is a very good reason why I say it is everything because, in this realm, whether you believe you can or you can’t you’re correct as this trait underpins everything as its the foundation of your thoughts, reactions and how you relate to events and circumstances.

A baby is learning to take its first steps, something that is entirely natural. It rises, falls and rises again. Notice at no point does that baby sink into a deep funk of depression:

“Oh, you are so worthless. Look at those other kids already moving around on two legs whilst you’re struggling. Why bother? Stop putting the effort in. Its useless. You are entirely incapable of doing this. Please cease and desist, this very instant”.

Sounds ridiculous, yes? The baby will keep on attempting and refining their steps as there is no failure when feedback is seen instead then they crack it and along with that huge grin. They are suddenly vertical and the horn of confidence is overflowing. Then came that bad experience.

This child enjoyed drawing, painting, anything creative and had spent a lot of time and effort engaged in sketching out his parents, their home and dog along with his siblings. Whilst his mother was napping he was quietly planning this surprise and way to showcase his talents. His ears heard her stirring as he placed the finishing touches to his masterpiece as he ran out of the kitchen, happily calling and asking her to come see what he did. Within the horn is sloshing around in a state of pure excess and bliss because it was hard work painting this. It took a lot of effort and concentration but the end result is he is very, very happy with because the image he saw in his imagination is now out here, in this realm and he wants to present the most important person in his world with the gift.

She looks over with a smile at her overly excited child who is hopping up and down on one leg, begging her to come and look at his latest achievement. She runs a hand across his head, tousles his hair and says “Thank you for letting me rest and being so quiet as well. You are a good boy” and offers him a kiss and hug that he gratefully accepts. “Come on, come on, come on. You’ve got to see this. Its the best yet, its an amazing painting. You’ve never seen nothing like it!” he exclaims with a joy he doesn’t even attempt to contain. Grabbing her by the hand he happily leads the way and with a flourish he directs her attention to the landscape.

This is where things diverge from his script. Up until now the confidence within was surging so high and its pressure so immense that huge jets of energetics were pouring out of him. Not just because of what he did but what he expected in terms of praise for his accomplishment, the fact he’d kept it all a secret and timed it so perfect. It was like he’d learned to juggle many balls as she slept and this was to be his crowning achievement up until then in his incarnation and the most important person in his world was going to appreciate it and make it all worth it.

That isn’t what happened.

Upon walking into the kitchen, which she kept clean and immaculate, she was dismayed to see he’d been drawing all over the wall and made a mess. The floor was covered in flecks, the were little handprints on the door as well but the surfaces they’d just had hand finished by expert craftsmen were now covered in stick men and doodles which led her to scream and yell in such frustration at this little idiot who she thinks (in the moment) is the spawn of satan himself.

The child doesn’t get it. Why would he? To him it all seemed to make sense because he started off on a sheet of paper but realized his ideas were too big. He tried to place a couple together but the tape wouldn’t stick and he made a mess and thats when he noticed the wall was absolutely perfect. Not only that but so efficient because she always hung up what he drew and this time it would it stick there itself so it couldn’t get blown by the wind or fall off and make a mess. In his head it was the greatest thought and invention he had ever had, up until this moment, so to see her face contorted and yelling caused him lots of pain and confusion.

Within the horn reacts like it has been hit with a brick. A fracture forms and pieces fall off, never to be whole again. See, the thing with this confidence level is that its daily replenished but the receptacle it pours into is now unable to handle what it gets and this reflects in the childs thoughts, deeds and actions as he never, ever wants to repeat this action again.

Can you see why I say the wounded womb hurts the seeds it should be nourishing due to living the live unexamined, reacting when they should be creating and inflicting upon their babies the same that was done to them as they too were disconnected from their Inner Sense and now live a life of Adulterated consciousness that sits, stressed and depressed, in their own personal hell called the Mind Made Prison. In her mind it isn’t simply the scribbles on the wall. Oh no. Its all that has ever went wrong in her life from the time she was a child and her mother did the same thing due to an emotional over reaction that damaged her self confidence up until this present moment. “And that happened and then this as well as what that stuck up bish at the office said and then there was that guy who thought he could do better than me and left me jilted and to add insult to injury this kid has just scribbled all over my wall!” is the Pattern activated as she lets him have it with both barrels.

The child is crushed, externally and within. The damage is done and for most it will never be inspected or repaired as most will forget, pretend it never happened and not question why they lost the spring in their step. It all due to the corrosive influence of this event which then seeps out and infects the rest of their consciousness with a curious mix of avoidance and over compensation that most people know well. What they don’t get is that these swings are designed to miss the point in the middle, the place where they were once Centered and effortlessly authentic. This is the state I call Inner Sense. This is all the Warrior seeks in this realm because the rest is but an illusion. A distraction from the true heroes quest. Its also perilous and hard as hell because we are, in effect, moonwalking against the tides of not only popular opinion but various coping mechanisms along with socially sanctioned tricks and the false bliss of willful ignorance. Its no wonder 81% are gladly enslaved as the responsibility required to become one of the 8% that is willing to take this rescue mission and restore order to their ravaged Kingdom is too immense for their consideration.

The lady screams and vents. Calls him all kinds of stupid and lectures him as well as hanging the threat of “Wait till your dad hears about this” over his head. He cannot stop crying and as the tears swell he feels an immense pain in his chest that hits like a brick. From this day on things will never be the same again as it marks the watershed point that will end in his fully Adulterated consciousness with him becoming as miserable and messed up as his parent as he inflicts the exact same pain on the children he begets. Are you starting to see why the world is a mess and why I reject all that made it like this? If it worked, if it were even a tiny bit effective you think someone in the thousands of years of the collective would have seen this, mentioned it and provided remedies as well. They haven’t.

Worse still is those that know use it against the people they’re supposed to represent as the more people are suffering the better business is for the franchise players I call Slave/Masters that run the plantation. “Give me the boy and I will show you the man” said a Jesuit and if you unravel this thread you’ll be surprised to see the links that are hidden in front of your eyelids.

After a while she calms down and realizes she over reacted. She holds her son close to her chest and whispers sweet nothings to ease his whimpering and help him see the ways in which these choices were not too great and he half heartedly accepts because that which was whole now sports a hole instead and he’ll spend the rest of his life looking outside trying to fill and still feel emptiness. Looking back at the quote I mentioned its not surprising that a lot of people who end up with addictions are attempting to circumvent this damage via this externally induced chemical assistance. Even more interesting is those that find the strength to pull out the problem – root, flower and stem – find themselves feeling totally different and high as kite flying on sober wings. Know why? They reconnected to their Inner Sense and know how it feels to be Centered in Self and effortleslly authentic.

“I get it now” he said “She was stressed and that was her unthinking, unconscious reaction. How was she to know the damage she’d beget?”. The man who had an immense passion for art and drawing but felt huge tensions rising from within whenever he wanted to take it to the next level reflected upon his life up until then and how a friend had recommended he meet one who will help him access they key that was hung around his neck on a string made of pain and suffering. “Being ignorant of this and fully cognizant of my addiction actually makes sense” he said as he thoughtfully smoked his cigarette on the pavement outside my office. “What made you quit?” I asked him because I knew now we’d get the real reason and not the coping mechanism.

“Heroin feels like a mother lxve. It is the sensation of total acceptance. A sublime transcendence that is akin to being kissed by an angel who lends you her wings and then stands there smiling as you are set adrift on the bliss of that sweet brown sugar in your veins” he reasoned. “Thing is it isn’t real and that is when I knew that something was missing as there were images and symbols coming up in my art and dreams that felt like they were saying something. Thing is to look at them I’d need another hit and the circle was getting more and more vicious because I’d always been fairly intelligent in my usage and that is when we got to talking about interpretation, higher states of consciousness and transcendence that led to your recommendation by a friend as someone who knows about these types of things and could offer guidance”.

He added that it now clicked what was broken was deep within and the unexpressed feelings of the child he hadn’t dare fully feel as he was still reeling from the reaction to the reveal of his impromptu canvas as an infant and that was what needed to heal. Or be numbed with a needle. “In that respect I was taking a shortcut, missing out the vital steps and not learning how to get from the place I left to the destination and back again without the assistance of a magic dragon that I was happily chasing to my own detriment”. Taking a drag and flicking his cig he added “Now all thats left is this. I wonder what the cause behind it is?”. “Sugar” I responded. “Each one contains a spoon of it and that brings an instant hit before the nicotine could do a thing. Add in the menthol cooling which allows the lungs constricted to foster the illusion of easy breathing as well as the symbolic image of blowing out the darkness within, all wrapped in a handy, dandy package of stimulation and convenience. You get the appeal of these royal, loyal friends that actually want you dead and profit from your suffering and ignorance, yes?”.

“Man” he said “Everything is a lesson and parable” before pausing for a moment. “You must have been pretty broken yourself to think like this because anyone that is just damaged enough that they can afford to pretend wouldn’t need to go within and those like me who know they’re a mess and have unhealthy addictions but don’t care as long as they get from A to B so what in the hell made you take it to Z, back again and then speak on it to the rest?”.

He’d hit the nail on the head but didn’t quite suspect the length of that which pierced within as I’d been doing this for lifetimes. Its a coal and diamond thing. If there is something I can gift or offer that helps another transcend their suffering or turn down the voltage on their pain and use that instead as vehicle for illumination the knock on effects for coming generations will speak for themselves because most of these maladies can be traced back to these events which are so common no one speaks on them, even though their actions are writ large in the madness which grips this realm as we wage a war with ourselves, others and the planet. A battle that if we win we are sure to regret as we’ll find at that moment the losing side is where we sit.

“Takes another dog to be able to hear my silent screams” I said “And that word is the hint because its the divine but flipped so instead of looking out I learned how to glance within because the past is always present. Its a simple case of realignment, breaking the Pattern of ignorance and connecting once again to the overflowing abundance of Inner Sense by removing the Adulterant, fixing what was broken and realizing the true meaning of this whole diamond and coal thing. If it worked for me then who am I not to share the wisdom with those that need help after being mangled by the System and inherited ignorance?”.

“No doubt, no doubt” he said as he lit another cig and hit the bricks at the end of this sesh.

Till we met again